Single Parenting
This is a very touchy subject to talk about but I think we should talk about since its seems as we see more single mom or even single dads more often.
I have been a single mom for pretty long time. Noooo it’s not that I’m just a horrible wife or girlfriend but it’s just the life style that I chose for quiet sometimes now. I seen many people who frown upon being a single parent. I believe that it shouldn’t be. Not because I am a single parent but there is great side of being a single parent. There is always a bad side too so stick around for that info.
Positive side of being a single parent!
I always said that being a single mom allowed me to spend my time with my children the way I wanted to. I know it seems a little selfish, but if I wanted to take my boys to the zoo, I was able to do that when ever I wanted. I was able to make what ever dinner I wanted to for my children. It’s the simple littles things that made my life a little easier.
Living Environment & Work Life
Most people think being a single parent is the most hardest thing to do and at times maybe unimaginable to do so. To be honest yes it is very hard sometimes to be the only adult in the house hold. First come first, yes you only have one Income and sometimes we have to be very creative with that income. Not everyone can have 9-5 jobs to where they can make sure to be home for their kids during non school hours. The most realistic job for single parent is working from home. But a lot of those jobs requires to have a degree or compromise the income to have the ability work with your children’s schedule. Not every one is lucky enough to have a job and be there for your kids. That’s why sometimes having a significant other to help you really works well. But I always said as a single mom, it is important to make friends and live close to family that willing to help you in time of need. I can tell you now that I wouldn’t be where I’m at if it wasn’t for family and friends helping me through the tough times. Also seeking for help sometimes from other parent. After all it took two to tango, responsibilities are for both parties and not just one. Now I know not all parents are present in children’s life and that’s okay. That’s where friends and family are there to help. However do not seek for help if it’s something like you wanting to party up one night or going on a vacation without your kids. Seek help when you need it the most. For example, having to stay at work late or stuck at a traffic, or even if you are ill.
MONEY MONEY MONEY
When it comes to income it is hard to work more to get more income for your children and your needs at home. Working two jobs isn’t realistic for a single parent. Ive been there and done that. It takes away time with your kids! I don’t like using this method, but there is always a way. If your income is extremely low and needing food but you don’t have the money to buy food. You can always apply for food stamp for the mean time. Yes a lot of people frown upon using food stamp, but guess what; you got to feed your kids and that’s more important than anyone’s opinion. I personally have had food stamps while I had to switch jobs to better my situation income wise. No shame in getting help momentarily while bettering yourself and the family situations. This pandemic had put a huge dent in my income and I know that many people are in the same boat.
Daycare is one of the most expensive expense we have. At one point my kids dad and I spent $2500 in one month for daycare while we worked. For some that is two months worth of rent. It gotten very pricey over the year and most people choose not to work anymore and live off government assistant due to crazy high price daycare. At this point if you are stuck not being able to work because of the price of childcare always ask family members for help. I always loved my mom watching my boys because not only it was cheaper to pay my mom, but they also got to spend time with their grandma. That’s also not everyone’s options too and I get it. If your income is very low and could not afford child care; some states help with the cost of child care and sometimes it can be free. Like I said previously this is not always the solution and people will look down but hey you have to work and this is sometimes the only way to go to work and pay your taxes. It is your life and it is your children’s life no one should be able to make you look like a bad person when all you doing is what’s best for you and your family!
Co- Parenting / No Co-parenting
Keeping a good relationship with your children’s other parent. It may not be ideal for some people. Everyone has a different situation but if you can keep things civil and keep the common goals to giving your kids the best life and opportunity, then it should not be as hard. Having good communication skills is important with the other parent. It’s not easy but I always look at it as what would be right thing to do. Kids need both parents to go through life, after all it’s already hard enough that your children might not see the other parent during holidays. Sacrifice a little for those little ones. They count on you. After their 18th birthday, you don’t have to talk to them anymore. Well that’s if you choose to! I know I had days where I could literally pull all my hair out, but I learned how to forgive and take a little breather. You don’t want that vibe around you children. Trust me your kids will know when you are upset!
TAKE A BREAK
Take a break from being a parent. You heard me right. To be a better single parent, you need a break. Why do I think this is important? Your mental health is so important for your children. It’s like going to work with home problems in your mind. Can you focus? The answer to that is no. You can’t perform to your full potential when you have million things running through your head. As a single mom for many years, this is what runs through my mind.
“Laundry, all three meals, grocery shopping, kids bedroom being dirty, birthdays, kids school schedule, extra school curriculums, football practice, pay my bills, job sales, and family and friends wanting to spend time with you and foremost the constant reminder in my head telling me did I forget something?!!”
It is very exhausting, as the head of household, it can be overwhelming and sometimes you need a day or two to take a break to catch your breath. Use those days that your children is at the other parents to go on a little vacation or even just a walk in a park. Wake up later and sleep the whole day. But take a break people. I promise it will be good for you and the kids, that way you can be the awesome mom or dad to your kids. My children love hanging out with me because I do take a little break from them sometimes. I’m not just mommy 24/7 365 days a year. I’m also human!
You are enough and you are doing great!
The most important thing you have to understand is that a lot of single parents do feel stressed and lonely or feel like that they aren’t enough. Trust me, you are not alone and you are enough to those little people. Your children look up to you and appreciate you the get older. If you have multiple children it does get a little crazy sometimes, but you taking one step forward and not walking out of their life is the biggest blessing and no matter what other people say, you are doing great! It takes a lot to do this alone. If you have to cry a little before bed then go ahead and do so! I done it myself and I felt much better when I wake up in the morning to see my munchkins face. Don’t give up because those children needs you and There is always a solution to any problem! Remember that!